Vitiligo: like snow

Last Updated on 4th December 2023 by Caroline Haye

It can melt away

It snowed here a couple of days ago. Within a matter of hours the autumn countryside outside my window was completely transformed into a gleaming white winter wonderland. All the familiar features of the garden and surrounding landscape were still there. But now they were draped in a soft, fluffy blanket and drained of their usual colour. The scene looked so permanent that I almost convinced myself it would always remain that way. And yet, two days later, every snowflake had melted and everything had returned to normal. A magical transformation from familiar colours to unfamiliar whiteness… and back again. Which, inevitably, put me in mind of my skin, and got me thinking about my vitiligo. Like snow, it suddenly appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. Each spot was unique, just as snowflakes are. And, once it had covered almost everything in sight, I could hardly imagine it would ever let up or fade away… But it did. And, in case you think this experience is unique – it isn’t.

Like snow and ice, vitiligo can seem relentless

I used to feel certain that my white patches would be with me for life… like permafrost. In fact, it sometimes felt more like an approaching ice age. My vitiligo began like a few harmless little spots of frosty ground. But, as time went on, its icy tentacles started encroaching on all the surrounding territory… Until, at its height, this dermatological “permafrost” covered my entire face and a good eighty percent of my body. The transformation was relentless, without so much as a single “thaw”. And because of this, I became conditioned into thinking of my pigment loss as something final and irreversible. And yet, years later, I was to experience a complete change of perspective. (You will find the full story of my re-pigmentation on my Vitiligo Success page.)

A change of perspective

By the time I discovered for myself that vitiligo can disappear as stealthily as it arrives, I felt better able to appreciate the transformations that had occurred in my skin and marvel at the miraculous nature of human biology, much as I marvel at the beauty and fragility of snowflakes every time I see them.

With the benefit of hindsight, I can see that much of this sense of wonder in nature (and in the course of our own lives) lies in the fact that it is constantly changing and offering infinite possibilities for the future… Meaning that there are always good reasons to appreciate each moment as well as living in hope of new and wonderful things to come.

I often find these sorts of emotions easier to express in poetic form. So maybe the following lines will convey my meaning more effectively. I hope that, having set the scene for my poem, it will make sense, and that you enjoy reading it. Please consider it my seasonal gift to you. 😉

There is no ice age

Out of a clear sky, I never saw them coming.

Clouds must have gathered while I looked away.

Tiny specks of brilliance, randomly appearing,

floating in slow motion: action re-play.

Free-falling artwork,

perpetual renewal.

Each miniature creation

a unique jewel

Silent flakes of ice like pastel-pale confetti

fleck the frozen ground in abstract design,

clumping into patches like vitiligo face paint

copying its intricate patterns on mine.

Permanent graffiti,

a frozen tattoo.

My own familiar features

created anew.

Permafrost looks lasting, as layer upon layer

of translucent granules wink in the light,

firmly coalescing, possessing the landscape

like pallid leucoderma, blindingly white.

Deceptively final,

a hollow illusion,

forever a fragile,

beguiling delusion.

Snow is just a dream, a mirage made of water,

A trick of the eye, dissolving with the sun.

Zillions of sculptures, fashioned for a season

destined for destruction as soon as begun.

Pigment is lost.

Pigment is found.

A figment like a snowstorm,

an endless round.

Snow thaws to slush:

the big reveal…

There is no ice age that

hope cannot heal.